I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You have to summon your inner elephant
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize