sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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