he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
