I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
How naked do you want me to be?
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