I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize