you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
