i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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