just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
