i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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