Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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