Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
