After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
