god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
