we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
