my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
