this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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