when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
This toilet bowl is my home.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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