airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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