Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
