i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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