morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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