My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
