i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
