I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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