There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize