I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize