first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
