Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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