the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
