Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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