I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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