I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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