We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
