so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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