mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
