you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
