Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
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