wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
