I have demons in me.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
