For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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