just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
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