Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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