Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
