My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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