why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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