I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
