why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize