Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize