So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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