M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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