Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
So vagazzling was a success
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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