lets start a swedish sibling band together
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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