So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I am naked and annoyed.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
