talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
