I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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