dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
