For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
