i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
