The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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