glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
