i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
