i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
