The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
