I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
